Jodi Maxwell has been attending Calvary Baptist Church since January 2010 and resides in Grand Prairie, TX with her husband and three boys.  During the month, Jodi volunteers in the Park and Refinery areas of Kid City as well as supporting several of Calvary's electronic communication avenues.  In her spare time, Jodi enjoys keeping her family busy exploring DFW's many cultural attractions and parks. 

Life After Miscarriage

I prayed for you before I wrote this.  I asked God to speak through my words to the depths of your soul.  He sees you, all of you. Whole you and shattered you.  Then and now you.  I pray that these fumbled sentences can encourage you as you embrace this new life before you.

Our family of five is really a family of seven. In 2013, we lost two pregnancies; yes, in the same year.  I don't want to focus on the losses, but rather what life is like after you've carried a child (or children) back to the Creator.  Please know that grief will accompany you now like a shadow that looms large at times or quietly follows behind barely noticeable. At times, especially early on, grief will seem to threaten every fiber of your existence.  You'll wonder how you can continue under the a burden that seems to suffocate you at every turn.  Without coming to know a Sovereign God many feel it is nearly impossible.

God promises He will sustain you (Psalm 3:5).  Some days you will feel like you are being hit with wave after wave of suffocating grief, but He will not allow you to drown. Cling to the One who controls the storm (Luke 8:22-25).  Other days you will do all in your power not to think or feel before collapsing under the exhaustion; He will renew you (Jeremiah 31:25).  As you continue to trust God to fulfill His promises to you, You will feel His presence more each day as He takes what is broken and makes it beautiful again (Isaiah 66:9).

At one point, I remember feeling very numb, disconnected.  I didn't know where we go from there.  I participated in a bible study through Hope Mommies and found great comfort in studying topics like biblical mourning, where our babies are now, and how God has now given me a platform to share the gospel with others. I realized that just as the Father chose Mary to carry the Savior, the almighty God chose us to carry our babies.  We now walk this path for a specific purpose.

I learned that our babies, no matter how long s/he resided in the womb, has a soul that lives on in Heaven.  They are whole, happy, and bathed in light praising the God who formed them. I love imagining that when I am singing praises to the God who sustains me, that I am singing at the same time as my children in glory.

I know you have questions and I encourage you to ask them. God isn't afraid of questions and looks forward to revealing His truth to you.  He's happy to dig into the trenches with you and show you His answers.  They're there for you to discover.  Maybe you are angry with God or feel completely abandoned.  It's not God who's disappeared, but a sense of hope that has been stolen from you.  God sent Jesus to restore our hope for a life lived in perfect harmony in heaven.  He's not gone; He's simply waiting for you to seek Him out.  I wish I could help you feel Him because He is there.  

And mothers, you aren't grieving alone.  Fathers are grieving in their own way too.  My husband wants you to know that you should allow yourself to feel all those emotions - anger, sadness, grief, confusion are OK. You don't have to fix this, you just have to roll with it. Remember not to push each other away even when it hurts.  Find new ways to connect.  Pray - a lot.  This is a season that requires significant prayer to get through.  Allow your family and friends to support you and love you. If you are struggling with the loss of a pregnancy or child, you don't have to carry your grief alone.  Even though our journeys are very personal, we are all part of a group (1 in 4 in fact) we never imagined would hit so close to home.  

Meet the physical needs. Meals, cleaning, errands, etc. are areas where you can serve one another.  Often parents who are grieving cannot articulate what they need, so think creatively.  A gift card for delivery or carry out can provide a meal.  Offer to mow a lawn, wash dishes, vacuum/sweep/dust.  Your friends are physically exhausted and completely spent.

Meet the emotional need.  So many mothers and fathers suffer in silence because they don't want to carry the burden of reliving the story, but they need to know that you recognize they have lost someone they deeply love.  You cannot lessen the pain, but you can stand alongside grieving parents and let them know you are there.  A note, a gift left on a doorstep, a hug, a call.  

Meet the spiritual needs. Fight for them.  Go to battle for them.  Our common enemy will use these fragile times to build a stronghold.  Pray for those who are grieving since they often cannot bring to mind the words to pray for themselves.  God knows what they need better than they do. After all he called them for such a time as this.  None of us know what God has planned, but we can stand firm on his promise that He he does have a plan for this season.  Pray that He makes clear what these parents need to know.

Pray that they feel anchored by hope.