Faith | Hope | Love

Brian Loveless Sermon from November 2, 2014 at 

Calvary Baptist Church, Grand Prairie, Texas.

God’s Restoration in Marriage

Paula and Michael Elliott celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary on July 21, 2016.  It’s an especially exciting milestone as the Elliotts almost didn’t make it into their seventh year of marriage.  Paula had been very vocal about her unhappiness, but before she decided to end the marriage, Paula wanted to be sure she had exhausted all her options; including marriage counseling. A police chaplain suggested the Elliotts attend a Family Life “Weekend to Remember” event.   Paula felt this was their last chance and was thankful that she didn’t have to convince Michael to go; he was willing.  Michael thought “sure why not?” Maybe Paula would learn something.  Michael says he ended up learning a lot about himself and his role as a Christian, husband, father, etc.

The Elliotts pinpoint that retreat as the moment their lives changed forever! For Michael, it was a work session where they go off by themselves to pray and write a letter to their spouse. At that time, Michael was going to church regularly by himself and "doing all the right things” (according to the checklist so many Christians make). While he was praying God revealed to Michael that he was doing life his way and not His. Michael said the prayer of salvation when he was in the 8th grade, but this was the first time he felt Christ's arms around him.

During another part of the conference, there’s a specific time when people can pray for salvation and or re-dedication. Paula had been under the impression that because she had been “saved” as a teenager, she was still a Christian. After she and Michael married, they attended church only once a year at Easter with her parents.  Paula realized that something had to change and it was then that Paula signed a card pledging to re-dedicate her life to Christ and turned it in.

Paula said God quickly gave her relief, healing, humbleness, oneness, and strength.  Michael admits it took about two to three years before things really started clicking for him. He had many personal issues to overcome that took a while; there was much that needed to be reprogrammed.   Since then Michael knows he has to pray daily, "today I commit myself to You," and if he doesn’t, he won't.

God illumined several verses for the Elliotts as they went through the restoration process.  Paula recognized her thoughts were so negative towards Michael and believed that she had married the wrong man.  Then Philippians 4:8-9 showed Paula that she should think about the positive things only.  Michael saw the verse as a reminder to focus on what is right with your spouse. Sometimes you need to make a list to remind yourself all the things that attracted you to them in the first place. Only thinking of the negative is like a splinter festering beneath the skin.

Ephesians 5:22-23 has been like a commandment for Paula to submit to her husband; trust in him and have confidence.  She tells herself, especially when she is upset with Michael, that when she submits to her husband, she is ultimately submitting to God and that makes it much, much easier. Michael points out that if you read it correctly, 99% of the burden is placed upon the husband to make sure everything goes right in the household. There's a lot of responsibility, and it can become overwhelming. The hardest part is loving your spouse even when you are feeling disrespected. 

During this time, Michael also said Ephesians 4:22-24, where Paul talks about taking off the old man and renewing your mind to think like Christ, became clear for him. That action is what we are called to do as Christians, and if we do, everything else will start falling into place. Simply put: work on our shortcomings, and don't focus on the shortcomings of others.

Paula says that God has brought her closer to Him as He restored her marriage.  He has not only made the Elliotts marriage better than it was before, but also blessed them with a daughter, and now she and Michael are building a legacy for their children.  Beyond repairing the relationship, Paula is more appreciative and thankful for her husband and this life God has given her. She is glad God chose her to be married to Michael, and a mom to their two children.  Michael points out the main thing is that they both now understand that happiness is fleeting and that joy is something different; they realize that another person cannot bring that joy but only share in it. True Joy only comes from a daily relationship with God.

Paula and Michael both emphasize the need to make God number one in your life and household. He’ll take care of the rest, your spouse, and you.  Michael points out that if you study the relationship of Christ to the Church you learn how your marriage is supposed to work. Marriage is what God gave Christians to learn about those relationships.  If we try to do it our way, and only look at what makes us happy, we will fail. Only when we live life God's way, we draw closer to each other; we need to focus on our shortcomings instead of focusing on our spouse’s. Paula knows she still has a long way to go to be the servant that God created her to be, but she believes she’s on the right path and He’s given her the right tools and continues to help her.  Paula says she had no idea that marriage was going to be so hard, but God restored the importance of seeking His face, daily.  We have to pray for our marriages every day, especially if they’re in trouble.

Michael says God restoring his marriage has taught him to love others where he previously didn’t.  That's what the two Great commandments are about; love God and love others. The main focus on restoring a marriage is focusing on God. There's a triangle illustration that is often used that shows the closer you grow to God the closer you grow to each other.  We all need help making it in this world, and God created the church to help with that. Part of what Michael suspects are missing for many couples is the mentoring or disciplining from today's church. Whether it is with marriage, parenting, work, or any other relationship; we all have something to contribute, and we all have something to learn from one other.  The hardest part is sharing your pains with someone you don't know very well, but sometimes the worst thing is to look for someone who only reinforces the negatives by taking your side, by agreeing with you, and not correcting you.

All the great marriages have two things in common: (1) Christ is at the center of the marriage, and (2) they all went through much suffering before they came to that point.  Although Michael and Paula endured five to six years of significant suffering; it’s when things seem to be at the lowest point that you have to dig in the hardest. Michael wouldn't trade those years for anything because he knows now what happens once you come out of the flames.  

Rica Salam has been attending Calvary Baptist Church since October 2013 and resides in Arlington, TX with her husband and kids.  Rica not only lends her vocal talents to the Calvary choir, but also volunteers in the Park area of Kid City as well as the Member Care ministry.  In her spare time, Rica enjoys playing video and board games with her family, gardening, home improvement projects, trying new recipes, and playing with her grandchildren.

Sovereign Over Us

My former pastor taught me to pray “Lord, help me to want only what you want!” I’d been praying this way for some time and it has brought me closer to God. Praying this way changed my life. My tendency to control everything and everyone was almost non-existent. I found relief in knowing that I didn’t have to have the answer to everything. Pastor Loveless teaches us to “seek His face!” This is so very powerful and necessary to get and remain in alignment with God.

About three years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. Multiple Myeloma is a cancer where abnormal plasma cells accumulate in the bone marrow interfering with normal blood cells. The abnormal cells multiply so fast, they pile up onto the bones causing legions or tumors that thin the bones. My doctor told me my remission could be achieved quickly through chemotherapy. I didn’t ask God; I made the decision immediately! I want this gone now! There were other methods that were mentioned that would have taken up to 10-12 months before remission. Nope. Give me the fast stuff. I would sit for two hours twice a week with the IV drip hooked to my chest during my lunch break, then head back to work. I felt reasonably well, no nausea, no hair loss.

Just as the doctor said, I went into remission within six weeks, but the treatments left me with severe neuropathy. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation I would scream out in agonizing pain. I was taking 12 (7.5 mg) hydrocodone pills a day; two at a time. I was eating them like Skittles. I guess my pain was so severe, the medication didn’t have the normal narcotic-like effect on me. I was taking eight pills during my eight hour work day without any problem. No one knew I was even taking them.

I’d read everything I could get my hands on about Multiple Myeloma and neuropathy. I’d sit at the computer and cry, not cry, and cry again. They say Multiple Myeloma is incurable, but treatable. After three years I’m getting along much better. Now, I can wear some of the shoes I like, I can run and jump and play volleyball (somewhat). I look in the mirror now and see “me” again.

One day I was having chest pain while at work. I knew it probably was nothing, but to satisfy my co-workers, I let them take me to the ER. After hours of testing and waiting, the ER doctor came into the room where my husband and I were waiting. He said “Mrs. Salam, good news is there is nothing wrong with your heart. No signs of stress or scaring that we can find. The MRI technician said “but hey guys, come and look at her bones!!” WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY BONES?? WHAT?!! My oncologist never mentioned a problem with my bones, but the MRI Tech was fascinated with my bones for some reason.  He didn’t even know about the Multiple Myeloma.  I told my oncologist about the incident.  He suggested doing a bone scan, however, I opted not to do it.  I don’t want to know.  That’s God’s business.

As my husband and I walked to my car, we didn’t talk. I got into my car and watched as my husband walked to his car. Satan right then showed me how I would look having to get around using a walker, then in a wheelchair, then my funeral. I couldn’t fix this. I am a fixer! I just wanted to get home. I was alone; extreme anxiety overwhelmed me. My vision became blurry, my eyes were filling with tears.

I remember my right hand was in my purse searching for my phone. I knew I needed to put it on the charger. When I pulled it out, the screen was white and the text was black. It read “I AM THE LORD THY GOD. I WILL TAKE YOU BY YOUR RIGHT HAND AND SAY TO YOU, DO NOT FEAR, I WILL HELP YOU." (Isaiah 41:13).

Anxiety?? What anxiety?? It was as though none of this ever happened. I felt absolute calm, peace, love, and power. I KNEW HE WAS WITH ME! HE WAITED UNTIL I WAS ALONE BEFORE HE LET ME KNOW HE WAS THERE FOR ME! HE’D ALWAYS BEEN THERE! He always IS there… closer than the air we breathe.

I am speaking about the very same God who was with Noah, Moses, David, and Job. He said I am the Lord thy God. He started out by telling me who was He was! He told me not to be afraid, Satan is a liar! He didn’t say He would heal my body, He said I WILL HELP YOU! My God is sovereign!! All things work for His purpose.

God knows all things past, present, and future. There is no limit to His knowledge, for God knows everything completely before it even happens (Rom 11:33). “In all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." (Rom 8:28). Because He is sovereign and He loves me, nothing will ever come into my life that He doesn’t declare or allow. No matter what we face, we can take comfort in the fact that God knows and is in control.

I never believed you had to attend a church to serve God. I’ve loved the Lord and have worshiped Him most of my life without going to church, but God led me to Calvary. I sincerely know I have a loving family here. People that care about me, and I them. Cancer is not my burden; it’s my gift. I wanted the instant solution, the quick fix, but some things cannot be disposed of so swiftly; they can only be accepted. And not accepted with resignation, but with gratitude!