What to Do with Unanswered Prayer via John Starke
Last time, we read about the three keys to having a more powerful prayer life. Today, let's touch on a subject I think we all have encountered a time or two: unanswered prayer.In Christ,
Brandon H.
What to Do with Unanswered Prayer by John Starke
Anyone who’s given himself or
herself to prayer for a sustained amount of time has likely
experienced the disappointment of unanswered prayer. But the more theological
astute among you may not like that phrase “unanswered prayer.” You
may call it a category mistake. I understand your point. In reality, there
are no unanswered prayers. God is sovereign and giving us all what we
would’ve asked for if we knew everything he knows.
And I’m sure David was told
something similar when he penned Psalm 13: “How long, O LORD? Will you
forget me forever?” (v. 1).
Surely you know, David, that God
hasn’t forgotten you!
I’m sure he knew.
David continues: “Consider and
answer me, O LORD my God” (v. 3). Apparently, David hadn’t experienced an
answer to his prayers for a while, and was asking God “why?” I
trust you could give a quick, theologically accurate answer.
But David is a serial offender in
the Psalms. Maybe you would even quote the Psalms to David and correct him! “He
who planted the ear, does he not hear? He who formed the eye, does he not see?
(Ps. 94:9).
Still, David and other psalmists
consistently ask the God who never forgets if he has forgotten them.
My Experience
Have you experienced this pain? I have.
There have been days I’ve felt as if I could only pray, “Will you forget me
forever?” Maybe you feel that’s overdoing it. Perhaps you’d say, “Well,
maybe you should pray for something else. It sounds like you’re expecting God
to do your bidding!”
Maybe. But I wonder if you’d be as
quick to say so to a brother or sister struggling with addiction, praying
10 years for relief, longing for a wandering child, or to a congregation
fearful of its doors closing.
I penned a poem about unanswered
prayer once. I wince sometimes when I read it:
Where
is your listening ear, O Lord?
Why have you ignored me?
All my prayers are swallowed up in the ceiling!
Is my voice too quiet for you?
Why have you ignored me?
All my prayers are swallowed up in the ceiling!
Is my voice too quiet for you?
It gets worse:
Where
have my prayers gone, Lord? What
have you done with them? “Ask me anything,” you say—“The desire of your heart!” All
my desires have been crushed. All my groanings ignored.
Those last two lines are a sore spot
for people who experience unanswered prayer. We read Jesus’s words of almost
completely unqualified invitation—“Ask me anything and I’ll give it to
you!” (Matt. 18:19; 21:22; Mark 11:24; John 14:13; 15:7; 15:16; 16:23–24; James 1:5–6; 1:17; 1 John 3:22; 5:14–15)—and wonder why he hasn’t answered us.
When
will I get some relief?
When will my sighings give way to smiles?
I know where comfort comes from,
But you have locked its doors from me.
My smiles are like powder, my laughter like grass;
With a breeze, they are blown away.
When will my sighings give way to smiles?
I know where comfort comes from,
But you have locked its doors from me.
My smiles are like powder, my laughter like grass;
With a breeze, they are blown away.
Finding Companions
As I read the Psalms, I continue to
find companions. Asaph considers his trouble and all the times he
has prayed for relief: “When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my
spirit faints” (Ps. 77:3). He’s grown tired of asking.
The morning comes, and it’s time to pray, but he’s too tired of being
disappointed to ask for anything again.
Asaph continues: “Will the Lord
spurn forever, and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever
ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time? Has God forgotten to be
gracious? Has he shut up his compassion?” (Ps. 77:7–9). Asaph knows the answer to his
questions. In fact, elsewhere he answers them. Even Jesus begs
for relief (Mark 14:36), and when he
experiences the Father’s absence, he cries aloud: “Why have you forsaken
me?” (Mark 15:34).
The Psalms keep good company.
They give me words when I’m at a loss. They open windows in the rooms of my
heart I didn’t know were there, and they let in fresh air. That’s a grace for
seasons of unanswered prayer.
When you sit patiently with these
psalms, you find something more. You remember these aren’t just the words of
David and Asaph; these are the words of God. Before David gave me the
words, “Will you forget me forever?” God gave them to David. These
complaints are God’s gifts. He knows how we are. When we are at the end of our
rope, these words are his way of lengthening the tether.
Isn’t that something? God has
inspired words of complaint and protest to say to him when we are confused and
sad, angry and desperate. He gave us words to say into our pillow as we drink
our tears. “Here,” he says, “these words will help. Go ahead. I’m not
self-conscious.”
Fighting to Wait
There’s an old church father,
Diadochus of Photike, who was part of the Council of Chalcedon in
AD 451. He was known for writing On Spiritual Knowledge and
Discrimination, or as it’s best known, “The Hundred Chapters,” which is
primarily on prayer. He introduces a term that probably won’t catch on with
modern readers: “educative desolation.” Diadochus says “educative desolation”
is God’s intentional hiding of his presence from the senses of his children. He
hides the “experience of divine attention” in order to increase their desire
for him. “Educative desolation,” he explains, “brings to the soul humiliation,
grief, and proper despair in order that the part of the soul that seeks glory
and is easily exalted may return to humility.” Such a soul that “seeks glory
and is easily exalted,” he observes, “does not easily renew its love of God.”
In infinite wisdom, the Lord uses various ways to awaken our longings
for himself again.
I don’t know if this is why God
sometimes doesn’t answer my prayers and makes me wonder if he’s near. But
I’ve found comfort in these instructions and have tried to look for ways to
stir my love for him. When I do seek him, I’ve often heard the whisper of the
Lamentations: “You came near when I called on you; you said, ‘Do not fear’” (Lam. 3:57). Notice he doesn’t
say “Here’s your answer,” but “Do not fear.” I can use that.
Until then, Jeremiah teaches me
to wait as he laments his exile: “The LORD is good to those who wait
for him, to the soul who seeks him” (Lam. 3:25). He says so when all he can
think about is his affliction, and he wonders if God thinks of him (Lam. 3:19–20). He knows the right answer. So
he waits. And God says “those who wait for me shall not be put to
shame” (Isa. 49:23).
The Lord is good to those who wait
for him. In my heartache and confusion, my waiting is not in vain. He’s going
to be good to me. He already has been.
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